Tuesday, June 12, 2007

SILs Make Great Friends Too!

I didn't get to blog about this earlier, as it came shortly after my surgery, and, well, was gone pretty quickly too :)
My SIL (Rob's sister) lived in Indianapolis and four years ago we went to visit (WOW! Have you had a LOT happen in four years!), and she took us to a little chocolate shop. That retail outlet closed, but the chocolates are still available at a few locations and, more importantly, on the Internet. Check out www.debrand.com to find out more. The truffles are the hugest chocolates I have ever seen! The little classic filled chocolates are delicious and not artificial tasting like commercial boxed type chocolates. I really enjoyed the triangles that are like Skor bars with nuts in the chocolate. I'd like to try the 'Turtles' and a WHOLE lot more that was in the catalogue with my delicious recovery treat. I'm even keeping the box it was all shipped in as it's like a mini cooler. I wish I had taken a picture of the bounty, but I had just got Huey in the bath when I was opening it, and it never occur ed to me to go get the camera; it only occur ed to me to EAT! LOL.

I saw the PS again yesterday. He's a cute little guy; Irish; I called him a little Leprechaun, LOL (not to HIM, apparently Megan's social worker knows him really well, they're daughters are really good friends). He's short, slim, balding with very short grey hair, and a little bouncy. His 'exam' was so quick, I almost felt like he felt he shouldn't be looking, LOL. I thought he had said previously that the stitches would be taken out yesterday, but actually, all the nurse did was trim the little ends of the knots that were poking out. He wasn't disturbed by the amount of bleeding on the one side, although I'd like it to end. I'm still slightly bruised (I'm looking rather jaundiced), and there are some scabs in annoying places that are painful. It feels like a terrible sunburn. Even naked, it feels like something is chafing, rubbing, irritating. Driving hurts. I'm trying to not lift, push, or pull heavy things. That's hard!

And Rob is not being terribly supportive---he's not automatically taking over the things I shouldn't do. He was like this when I was pregnant with Megan and in so much pain. The OB kept telling me to not do so much, but if I didn't do it, no one else did. I didn't vacuum the house for the whole month of July and it was getting disgusting (hello? Two kids, a cat, and a long-haired, double--coated Golden Retriever; our main entrance was from the back yard through the kitchen....). He never stepped up.

Now, I know sometimes I complain--he just throws assorted clothes in the machine, not checking water temperature or the water level settings; he is totally clueless with loading the dishwasher--but you'd think he'd know these things by now. I didn't empty the dishwasher for a day and everything piled up. He starts doing it, but the entire time, bitches and complains! I'm like, Dude! I just had surgery! If you don't like how bad it's gotten in here then perhaps you should get home before the kids go to bed and help out a little! Instead of sitting down on the Internet after complaining about the lack of high cuisine dinner....I'm trying to stay firm and not do stuff, but yeah, piled up plates bother me. I had Lucy help me unload the dishwasher, she passed me plates while I stood on the chair so I wouldn't have to reach up. She's FOUR! I've done laundry, but I carry it downstairs by the armload until the load is big enough. I didn't fold any for 10 days, including stuff that was done just before the surgery. After folding for awhile I went and laid down.

I found out on Thursday night that Huey had a party to go to on Saturday. Friday was a PD day. Rob thought I should just whip out on Friday with all three kids and go shopping for a present! I've cooked every dinner since the Thursday after the surgery. Sure, I didn't feel like spending four days laying in bed; I wasn't feeling like I needed that, but I'm not exactly up to speed yet. The headaches do seem to be gone now :) I'm not quite as exhausted/tired as I was last week, but still, there are things that I shouldn't be doing because of the physical nature of them.

But what am I supposed to do? Does anyone have any suggestions? Obviously, past (lack of) performance has shown that just not doing something won't result in someone else doing it. And if he does do it, it's with such a negative, critical, angry, inferior-inducing monologue that I'd rather he just go out to the garage and leave the mess. I can't believe he has the nerve to complain about the state of the kitchen, given MY state! Help?


z said...

oh Tracy :(

i hate to say it, maybe i'm reading your post entirely wrong (if i am, feel free to delete this, i won't be in the least bit offended or upset)... he sounds on the verge of abusive.

yeah, working all day and then coming home to do chores around the house isn't fun, but neither is recovering from major surgery. he should realize that it's a temporary situation, you will heal eventually IF YOU'RE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO, and things will go back to normal.

YOU and your health should be MUCH more important to him than dishes on the counter, etc. he should gladly, without bitching, help you if he wants to show he cares about you. you're his wife, not his slave.


it's just not right.

if you need ANY help, call me on my cell, email me, whatever, the kids and i will be glad to come over and empty your dishwasher, toss in a load of laundry, mop the floors, vacuum... rub your feet ;) seriously. i know recovering from that surgery isn't a piece of cake and i'm here for you!!

steel breeze said...

Yep, I'm with Z here. Let the dishes stack up, and the laundry. It's more important that you get better - nobody ever died wishing they'd done more housework, and anyway, it's neverending. If it starts to get out of hand (he's on his last clean undies) and nothing's getting done, start dropping hints about paying for some help. In other words, if all else fails, go for the wallet!

People won't learn how to do stuff if you constantly do it for them. My other half couldn't even boil an egg when I moved in; now he does most of the cooking, and enjoys it, too!

Anonymous said...

I was lucky when I had my surgery because a friend's mother came and stayed for 2 weeks. Then same friend stopped by every day for a month to make sure I wasn't reaching or lifting too much.

Maybe a suggestion not just about needing help but the idea that if you don't heal completely without the stretching, more surgery could/would be in your immediate future. I know that was the conversation with my surgeon that made sure I didn't stretch my incision too much until it had pretty much healed.


CatBookMom said...

I am so sorry to read that your DH isn't being supportive nor willing to help with household chores while you're healing. The suggestions to get some temporary help are good ones; trying to keep up with laundry and dishes, etc, can delay your healing; if not the incisions, I'd think you won't get your strength back as quickly if you keep straining yourself.

I send hugs and a wish that you will get someone to come for a couple of hours a week, at the very least.