Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday was my last visit to the ER. The first nurse to come in was an older nurse, still wearing the white cap. The IV lock in my left arm was not looking good so she started a new one in my right hand. The first attempt didn't work so she had to do it again in my hand. It was pretty high in my hand so I was hoping it wouldn't be staying in. Then another nurse (same one as Sunday night) came to un-dress the wounds and suspected I'd need more IV-AB. The doctor came and took a look and said that we could stop with the IV-AB but keep on the oral AB and come back in on Saturday night to have her take a look again. Saturday night of a LONG weekend?! Sure, it's Sunday that's the holiday, but really.
Wednesday I went down to see the PS. He was his usual ADHD self, speaking in run on sentences with "uh huh" "sounds good" "Alright then" "Okay" being most of what he said. He was about to leave when I finally got to spit out some of what's been happening. He barely looked at my breasts, just very quickly, I don't know if he even felt the swelling and abscess. He says it's the stitches which are causing the problems with the open wounds, and to pull out any knots or threads I find. But does this mean that I might have trouble with other surgery? Why did I get the skin infection? Did the skin infection cause the wounds to open, or did the icky scabs cause the skin infections? Or did I just get lucky twice? LOL. I still never got the chance to ask how much weight was taken off!
And today is the last day of school. I feel like I've just gotten back to routine and now it's all over! Lucy had her VERY last speech therapy today too. Wow. Huey started with Liz in September 2003, so it's been almost 4 years! I'll probably get a year off and then Megan will start, just before she turns 3, just like Lucy did. One night there was a happy, babbling baby at the ER and she sounded so adorable. Such a range of sounds came pouring easily out of her mouth. Looking back, I don't think any of my kids were like that, especially Megan.
I promise, back to knitting posts tomorrow. Posts with pictures!! Unless Rob ticks me off again like he did on Tuesday night. He said that I was the one who chose to have the surgery now, it should be me that arranged to have someone do all the stuff I do. I said that it should be him doing (some of) it--he's supposed to be a partner and participate in the family. That didn't go over well. If I were him, I'd be ashamed to tell someone what he said, what his attitude has been. "Why is your house so messy/why are your clothes wrinkled...." "Oh, my self-centered wife wanted surgery and expects me to pick up the slack and I refuse". Somehow, even though he's a little socially inept at times, I don't think he'd actually say that to his boss/co-worker/Mom......
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Friday. The redness and swelling were just as bad as on Wednesday when I started the oral anti-biotics (henceforth known as oral AB). Rob was set to leave to go to his parents so he could leave there early Friday morning for the charity motorbike ride. I said, I need to go back to the hospital. So I went. Not much wait, but poor Collin, the teen aged boy in the curtain area beside me. He got hit in the eye with some sort of object (I think it was a ball, the doctor said if it had been a baseball he would have been fine). They had to 'conscious sedate' him to take a look, and the dialogue from the doctor: "This does not look normal. There's a lot of crap coming out of it. No, not good. It looks like his globe is burst and the iris is against the cornea. He won't have much, if any vision, left". He went to the OR to get it cleaned out further, but they were shipping him down to Toronto for further evaluation on if his eye could be saved. It was funny though listening to the nurse trying to get all his piercings out. Small town life--a cardiac nurse is stumped by the earring of a teen boy.
Anyway, the doc comes in to see me, I give the little spiel about the surgery and the infection. She says sometimes this things take awhile or get worse first. But after examining me she left, and the nurse finally came back saying I was getting some IV anti-biotics (hereafter known as IV-AB). After it was finally done, the nurse comes back, saying I have to come back on Saturday night, and Sunday night for more IV-AB and then back on Monday for assessment!
Rob was not happy. He played the victim, etc. I told him at least I wasn't admitted!
Saturday I went back and it was not busy again, was in and out in 90 minutes (for a 30 minute procedure, LOL). Oh, wait, yes it was busy, but the triage nurse took me back instead of putting me in the waiting area so there wouldn't be any wars when she would have called me back before others waiting for much longer :)
Sunday....remember the scabs that had come off. I took off the band-aid. There was a big (in my mind) jagged opening with FLESH showing! AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Wound dehiscence happens in 25% of patients! It can take 6-8 weeks to heal! It's summer time! It HURTS! Like, getting 'road rash' from a wipe out. I've never had more than a badly skinned knee after falling off my bike. Even when I rolled my little car (and the airbags didn't go off), I was pretty much fine. The pain from this open area is what I was expecting the post surgical pain to be like. You know when you get a little flap of skin peel off next to your fingernail? Much worse. But, it's a chronic pain, and I can deal with chronic pain :)
So, I get to the hospital, and it is BUSY! Finally I get through triage and tell the nurse I also want to see a doctor this time. Yes, I was prepared to wait for that. But the idea was to get the IV first, or at least while I waited in the cubicle for the doctor. I finally got taken back. Not given a gown or anything, just dumped in the room. Finally the DOCTOR came. It was a little confusing for him, LOL. He said that when incisions open up, they don't stitch them back closed! He felt the infection was not responding quickly enough to the IV-AB and continued the order for Monday night as well. Then he left and I had to wait AGAIN for the nurse to come with the IV. She didn't like the looks of my hand around the existing lock, so put a new one in my arm. On Sat. it had dripped so slowly, when the nurse came back it wasn't anywhere near done, so she sped it up. It went quick after that, but probably too quickly and irritated my vein. While the IV was running the nurse cleaned the open areas and re-dressed them. Finally I could leave (three hours), but I had to go get groceries. I was SO tired.
Monday. What a day. First thing in the morning was a workshop on raising kids with challenging temperments. Lucy and Megan went in the babysitting room. I could hear someone crying, and after Lucy said Megan cried a lot. When I went out finally to get them, Megan was so excited and laughing when she saw me! I never get that response, LOL.
Then we were supposed to go straight to the school, but I had forgot the camera so we stopped by the house and were late for Huey's class picnic/mini-concert. But we got to see most of it. I had put my name in to help set up for Lucy's graduation, but they didn't' need me. So I wasted a lot of time with Megan until the graduation. We should have just gone home after Huey's thing. Lucy's show was great. The JKs don't 'graduate' from kindergarten, but were part of the show. Then we had a bit of time to waste again till Huey got out, then we trucked on home and I just about collapsed on the couch.
Rob finally got home right as I was running a bath for Megan, who desperately needed a bath. I desperately needed to wash my hair (I hadn't figured how to protect my arm in the shower, when the lock was in my hand, it was easy with a latex glove). I was going to wash my hair while she was in the tub and hope she found the shower funny finally. I took my shirt off and notice ALOT of blood on my bra, on the left side--same side as the infection). I took my bra off, and gooey blood came gushing out. I'm running around like a crazy person trying to find something to sop up the blood, while trying to keep Megan in the tub, and Rob gets mad that he has to interrupt his dinner to wash Megan's hair and get her out of the tub. I only had one pack of gauze left, so I stuck an Always pad on the spot, LOL. Hey, they're designed for blood, LOL.
I went to the ER a little bit later, but it was BUSY! The triage, the waiting area, the treatment areas. Only one doctor working! Finally saw the triage nurse, and she arranged for me to get the IV while I sat in the triage waiting area (it had emptied out), but I did have to wait to see the doctor. And wait. So many non-emergency situations. I listened to a tired mom tell her tired young kid she was a moron and stop being so annoying. I listened to a 19 year old boy register because of a larger lump on his butt that feels like a tumour and several people in his family have cancer. He's had the lump for 3 1/2 months and finally comes in on a night he'll have to wait possibly 5 hours. He had no health card cause he had been living in Florida for 7 years and had just moved back (so no family doctor either). How does the triage nurse stay so mature? LOL. She did tell him that although the waiting area was fairly empty, every treatment area was occupied and it'll be a long wait.
Finally the doctor comes in. This is the 4th doctor I've seen at the ER during all this. She takes a look and says it's a good thing! Because the blood is gooey, ooey, icky, it's most likely the abscess draining. All on it's own, it's found a spot to drain! Good little abscess! While I had been waiting, I started getting horrible pains in that breast, in the abscess area. Now, I have had three natural labours. This hurt worse! (Okay, I think a paper cut hurts worse too, but these pains were bad because they were intermittent). The doc does some prodding, and squeezing and pushing. Slightly tender, but I'm still pretty numb. Out comes lots of ooze and blood. Even one of the small scabs around the areola starts bleeding a bit. Finally she declares that it's slowed down enough to stop.
She sends in a nurse to clean me up and re-dress the areas. Nurse Sara had a reduction in 1989 when she was 19. She knew she never wanted kids, so she had it done then, and had no problems. Back then, she had the compression bra/bandages for 10 days. We had a nice chat, and she packed me up good. Even sent me home with a loot bag! She reminded me alot of the girl in the room beside me in residence, in 1990/91, named Sara who was in nursing. Same haircut/colour. But Nurse Sara is taller. Or seemed that way from my position, LOL.
So, that visit, last night, was 4 hours. That is long for our hospital, although I hear people talk all the time of waiting 5 hours or more. I'm usually in and out in 3-4 hours.
Today, I secured a newspaper bag (the plastic bags the paper gets delivered in) to my arm, and had a LONG shower to loosen the tape, and finally get cleaned. Not much bleeding over night, and the bad pains are pretty much gone. Except, there is an area about the size of a pea, on the areola scar in the infected section that looks like a blood blister, and it hurts! OW! It did stop hurting today, so maybe it drained. The swelling has come down, but as of last night, there was still a lot of redness, and firmness inside. Hopefully I won't need the IV-AB tonight. We'll see, 5 treatments is normal.
So, wow. What a week. I'm so glad that this type of infection doesn't affect the rest of you. I couldn't cope with all this if I felt like crap too. Tomorrow I go see the PS. Won't he be in for a surprise, LOL.
Monday, June 25, 2007
But Megan is having a late nap and it's time to get her up and make dinner!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
BUT....on the Tahki website, the Cotton Classic is listed as 50g/108yds/100m (well, actually, 108yd is 98.7m). In that case, I'd need 6 skeins. So there's a mistake somewhere. I've looked for corrections, but haven't found any regarding this issue. Does 648yds sound logical for a ribbed top with short sleeves? Tobi? Do you remember? It'd be nice to make a top for myself with only 3 skeins of the Butterfly! Even at regular price, that's not bad for me, but of course I never buy yarn at regular prices, LOL. AND Sharon says it's the yarn of the month at Len's Mill!! So, the stuff I have already says it was $11.99 regular price. I wonder what the sale price is?!
I went back to the ER last night. Anybody know a teenage boy named Collin with pierced eyebrows, lip, and one ear? Poor guy. More on that and me later!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Things are not going so well with the boo-boo boobies. Scabs are pulling off leaving unhealed holes. In just about each scab area, I can see the ends of a knot (stitch). Aren't they supposed to dissolve? I read that some can take months to dissolve, but it's slowing the healing, having it embedded in a scab. I got annoyed with going through so much gauze that last night when one of the scabs pulled away with the gauze, I put a band aid on. Charming. At least it's a plain one and not Mickey Mouse or glow-in-the-dark. But I think it's the only plain fabric band aid in the house! And I don't think I can put a band aid on the spot underneath because of all the puckering of the skin (normal) and because it's in the fold. But it's bleeding now.
And the cellulitis? Yup. I went to the ER on Wednesday night. Breezed through the triage quickly, and only a few people ahead of me in the waiting area. I overheard someone talking about a stabbing victim/mother-daughter domestic dispute brought in. No one got taken back in over an hour, and then suddenly it picked up. Triage at 8:59, cubicle at 10:40. Discharge at 11:10. Overall not too bad! Except for not taking enough yarn for Lucy's hat, which was a mixed blessing because the band was too short anyway and I ripped back what I had done of the brim.
(I thought Megan was quietly watching Sesame Street, and I just went to check on her, and she's asleep on the floor. She's not feeling well. But what do I do about nap time? Lucy's not feeling well either. I'm snuffly too.)
So I have a skin infection on the left breast. Quite red, warm, and swollen. The doctor couldn't tell if it's still post-operative swelling, or an abscess. He gave me a double dose of an anti-biotic, and a double dose for the morning, and I've been taking reg. doses every 6 hours since 1pm yesterday, so it's been 4000mg over 32 hours. And it's still swollen (even a bit more) in an uneven way, firm underneath, which indicates a large likelihood of an abscess as they can be hard to treat with anti-biotics (I looked up the drug on the Internet and found that it is derived from a fungus that was found near a sewer in Sardinia. Uh huh.). My family doctor doesn't work on Fridays, my PS office is closed.
The pain is less today though, although maybe the two Tylenol 3 I took late last night are affecting me. I gave in to the pain last night after someone at Knit Night mentioned that I looked like I was in pain. I've had fairly chronic arthritis pain for the past 3 years. I enjoyed one month on Vioxx before it was recalled. You learn to live with it as a backdrop of your physical being. I do believe I am a wus when it comes to acute pain though, and I realized last night that perhaps giving in to the pain would help. Regular Tylenols hadn't helped, or ibuprofen, so I tried the T3s. Took two, and a Gravol. Got woozy, told Rob to get Huey up for pee duty, and went to bed. Rob comes in later and although I am technically awake (I can hear), I am so stoned that I can't even open my eyes, giving the impression, I thought, that I actually was asleep. Rob starts a conversation, without asking if I'm awake, about whether I got the blood out of his pillowcase. DUDE! Then, this morning, like many mornings, he comes out of his shower and starts talking to me! Go away!
I came to a realization of why I've been reluctant to ask for help during all this. MY friends should NOT be the ones doing what my HUSBAND should be doing. And it's somewhat embarrassing to have a husband that doesn't care enough about my recovery to do the things that are not totally essential to daily life going on. Yes, he cleaned up the kitchen Wednesday night while I was at the ER, but a messy kitchen and no clean dishes, is one of his big peeves. The house is often messy, although I usually try to keep it so that a quick run around would make it presentable enough for friends and family. But it's getting past that now, especially the actual cleaning of things like floors and bathrooms.
I just put a blanket over Megan and it woke her up. Darn. I highly doubt she'll go for a nap this afternoon now (it's 11:45). Oh well, it's survival mode here.
I want to thank everyone that has been reading these past few weeks. Not much knitting content, although I do have a lot I want to say about knitting, LOL. Not many pictures, although I took some today (my mystery plant outside) but it takes too long to quickly add them. Hopefully everything works out over the next week because I refuse to look at negative outcomes until those bridges need to be crossed!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Except for this one whirling blue dervish spinning and hopping around. Uh huh, that's my boy! He's been like that since birth. It was one clue to his Sensory Integration Dysfunction. He is underresponsive to vestibular motion. That means, his brain needs extra motion to register that he's moving, and also to calm other areas of the brain. His daddy is a knee bouncer/pacer, I am a knitter. With Huey, it is essential that he gets movement. He's worn out several mini-trampolines, and gets to sit on a gym ball instead of a chair in his classroom. The unfortunate thing is, Huey is also gravitationally insecure. His inner equilibrium is easily unbalanced. No roller coasters for him (or me!). He needs to feel secure that he won't tip over. Many kids don't like to fall, but he is different. One Christmas, "Uncle Steve" was picking up the kids and throwing them over his shoulder. All the other kids yelled "Stop" in a way that meant "Keep going!" but the look on Huey's face, the fear in his voice, indicated that he felt threatened to the deepest parts of himself. We won't go into his tactile issues....I hadn't planned on writting about SID today!
Last night Rob wanted to take his tires into the bike store in Toronto. I didn't really want to go, but didn't want to stay home with three kids, so we went. Lucy went in the store with him, and apparently picked out her own little KTM dirtbike. She told me she'll make sure to wear her bike helmet. I said "You'll be wearing more than just your bike helmet!" She says "Why? It's just a motorbike." OMG. Just a motorbike. She couldn't remember how to use the brakes on her two wheeler as she rolled down the driveway towards an oncoming car! I'll be wrapping her in bubble wrap before putting on all the gear!
I think I spoke too soon yesterday. The pink area started getting warm. And pinker. It's not bright red, or clearly defined, and I feel fine. However, this morning I noticed that while the right side has lost the swelling for the most part, the left side is significantly swollen looking (compared to the right, it's not anymore swollen than it was previously). Even with my t-shirt on, I can notice it. So I look on the hand outs from the PS, and there's a possible complication called Cellulitis of the breast. The handout says it's an inflammation that may require antibiotics. Well, imflammation doesn't need antibiotics, so off to Google I go. Indeed, cellulitis is a skin infection found near wounds/bites/punctures creating swelling, redness, and warmth while the patient usually still feels fine. Uh huh. My family doc is booked today and tomorrow and off on Fridays, so it's off to the ER for me tonight! Hope I take enough knitting, LOL.
Oh, Nan....you can direct anyone you meet on Facebook to here! I have heard horror stories of how Facebook sucks you in and makes time evaporate but somehow doesn't evaporate your chores or responsibilities. Some day I'll check it out. I'm not sure I want to go down memory lane with Jen Hillman....after all, you know, she STOLE my boyfriend, on a bandtrip! Left me broken hearted and crushed while I had to share suite with her! And Lori Nevin. Oh, the misery! The scar on my adolescent pysche! It's all her fault we broke up and then years later he got M.... pregant and disappeared.....!! LOL!!! Oh man, is there any teenager that doesn't feel that the future success of the universe depends on their boyfriend staying with them? Just kidding to all this!! I actually did like Jen! Other than stealing my boyfriend, I liked the fact that she didn't sleep around with all the guys in the group!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The swelling is going down. Things are getting softer and movable again. Hope they don't settle down much lower, it's kinda nice not having to hike them up to put on a bra! I get these bizarres moments of pain, like a twitch, or a contraction, or something. And now that the swelling is not holding everything together, there is new discomfort. You know how when you're really pregnant and you start to feel like the baby might just drop out? LOL. Or, after birth, you have that big belly that's not supported by the baby anymore? It's like that. Driving HURTS. Coming into the school's driveway, and our driveway is bumpy, and HURTS! Walking hurts sometimes too. I just want to wrap my arms across my chest and confine them, but I can't do that while driving, LOL. Back years ago, you used to be given a surgical bra, or be wrapped with a tensor bandage. I think they should still do that!
I have some gross scabs still. The PS said to keep using Polysporin, but I think I might stop. The scab edges are gooey. I'm not bleeding anymore, but keep getting this yellowish goop from the scab edges. I had this happen before once when I fell off my bike and got a bad road rash on my knee.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty good--I felt stronger, capable, and less pain. Then I bumped my knee into my chest. Sigh. I'm not clumsy, I'm proprioceptively challenged. Now that area is pink and tender and swollen a little.
But Megan? The poor girl. Sick again. She woke up a day or so before the surgery (I keep thinking it's 3 weeks post partum, LOL.) with a runny nose. She got rid of that, then it came back this weekend, and now she has diarrhea. I opened her door this morning and nearly fell over. She may look like my family, but she inherited her odour genes from her daddy! So she's cranky again, not sleeping great, etc. I don't understand why she gets sick so often!
And....last but not least, my marital boob :) Let's go back to Mother's Day. Megan woke up at 5:30 (she did go back to sleep) and who got up with her? Uh huh. Then he spent the day fixing the toilet that had been broken for two months while I looked after the kids and made breakfast lunch and dinner. So Sunday was Father's Day, and Lucy and I tried to get him a present on Sat. but it didnt' go well. Anyway, although his attitude and behaviour had been much improved, I decided to give him a little taste of his own medicine. Now, I'm not much of a talker, so he knew right away what I was up to. I guess the smile didn't help either, LOL. He could tell it was in jest, but I think he got the message by dinner time, he wasn't laughing too much by then.
However....this weekend he wants to go away for two nights to go in the "Ride for Sight" a charity motorbike ride that he had participated in years ago with the street bike, and now there's a dual-sport version. Having a congenital birth defect affecting his eyes and vision, he feels partial to this charity, even though he's not affected by the particular illness they're raising money for. So, I don't want to be the wicked wife and say no way. I will definitely be slacking off Sat/Sun. BUT! The house is a disaster, there are mountains of laundry in all stages of life cycle, and between soccer on Wed, and going to Toronto on Thursday for new bike tires, and leaving Friday after the kids go to bed....when is he going to clean up the house? I mean, it is getting to that gross stage. I don't mind picking up some dishes and toys, but I'm not mopping the floor or vacuuming the stairs, especially. If he doesn't do his chores I might have to ground him! LOL.
I'm way past my personal time limit for blogging and have much more to say. Like, I haven' t given my Daddy Father's Day greetings!! And knitting? Well, I crocheted a hat for Lucy on Sunday but it fits Megan better. I get the stitch gauge good but am WAY off on the row gauge! So I'm making a bigger one for Lucy and it's probably going to turn out too big!
Friday, June 15, 2007
This is the whole gang, August long weekend 2003!! Who are all those little people? LOL. The one in my arms, scowling, is Lucy. She never smiled for anyone. Allie is in the middle front, wearing a dress I knit for her birthday the year before, I think. It's the same pattern as her Christening gown, but I used two blue, and one white cotton to match her eyes. Where's that dress now? And beside her is Jasmine, also with big blue eyes! Uncle Ted is the one beside Rob. We haven't had everyone together like that very often. I mean, everyone! And we're missing the Jacksons in this picture too :( Seriously, it's going to be a long time (probably, eh, Uncle Mike?) until there's another wedding, or another christening!!
There's two of the reasons I need lipo! LOL. Huey's 7th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese.
So....what's up now? I appreciate all your concern! I never want to cause anyone to worry, I'm not one to enjoy attention (despite the fact that I blog, LOL). I'm not going to take the kids out of school, even if it's the last two weeks. But I am certainly considering the Bancroft Spa after that. Wed. night started out lousy. I had emailed Rob saying he had to be home to take the kids to soccer cause there was NO way I could take all three. He had truck problems again and got home right when we had to leave and was pissed when I said there wasn't much for dinner, bring the salad with you. Then it started to rain. I opened the back hatch of the truck and the stroller rolled out. From inside the truck he yelled something nasty at me and I fired something even worse back. I suppose it doesn't help your cause when you yell a swear word at someone while telling them not to swear at you! I'm sure the neighbours heard me. They are feisty sounding Portuguese and haven't spoken to me since the first week we lived here. I'm sure they won't now, LOL. So we zoom off for soccer and the rain gets heavy. Rob says "Just my luck I'll get in an accident". I said "Well, you're driving 100 (km/hr= 62 mph), in a 70 zone on a road that is slick with a sudden downpour and your wipers are on the slowest intermittent speed. It won't be an accident." That didn't slow him down too much, but at least shut him up. We got there, the skies were blue and sunny but still thunder, so the night was cancelled. This is Ontario's tornado alley! When we got back he worked on the truck, put the kids to bed and tidied up some.
Yesterday, he came home late again (after 7:15) but I hadn't gotten the kids upstairs yet so he had dinner, complained, and put the kids to bed (taking WAY too long, and ending with Huey melting down) but I stayed out of it. He actually asked how I was doing :) and I answered honestly and I think that quieted him down a little more. He said to take the Tylenol #3 again, but I don't like the side effects. I was really sore yesterday, the swelling seemed really bad, and painful. Once I took off the bra I felt alot better. Rob seemed in a much better mood, and his complaining did not feel like a personal attack this time.
I'm not trying to defend him, or make excuses, but I know he is really stressed about work lately. He's like the kid that is awesome at school, but a total basket case at home. But at least he's an adult and should realize that personally attacking me because I could not see through the metal portion of the back hatch, will not make work any less stressful!! And I've told him many times that he can complain silently all he wants, LOL, but he needs to watch what he says, especially when the kids are around.
I'm holding firm, and not vacuuming, not baking cookies, not draining the kiddie pool, not scrubbing the disgusting toilets or the chocolate chip cookie ring around the bathtub. I did do a bit of laundry this morning while I had the energy.....but I WON'T carry it upstairs. Dinner will be another frozen meal. Which sucks with this heat, but he didn't buy enough fresh stuff to barbecue and the freezer doesn't have much besides hamburgers and some frozen catfish that for some reason is not appealing to me right now. He needs to go buy another birthday present tonight, and swim lesson registration is early tomorrow morning, and I don't know why I'm procrastinating about calling about summer camp. I wish I had someone to do all that for me!
Right now, I'm going to go knit a bit so I can actually post photos again. There was no way I was posting a photo of the dress!!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
See that on the left? The strand going up is the working yarn for these toe up socks. I had mentioned before about giving Magic Loop a try. The big issue for me was that I don't have a lot of circular needles under a 3mm, but that's what I needed for these. Previously, I had started the socks with dpn and switched to Magic Loop one the toe was all increased. This time, I couldn't find the dpn (ie--I didn't want to get off the couch to find them), but I had a 3mm circular needle in my bag from when I had tried the other of this pair using two circulars. I did the magic figure 8 cast on from Knitty.com....and realized I had no working needle. So I found the dpn and started. But very quickly I realized that the points of the circular were going opposite ways. Slide one side onto the dpn (I had only gotten one), and kept going. Same thing again. I kept going, sliding the sts to the other end of the circular, or onto the dpn, and finally got it so I could do the Magic Loop. Well, I could do it if the cord of the circular had been long enough!!!
So, I switched projects and picked up my Step socks. I did a short row heel, and while it is better looking than the other one of the above mentioned blue socks (it has the most hideous short row heel I have ever seen), it still looks untidy. I never noticed this on Lucy's socks, or my other socks. Then I read Wendy's blog and see she's put her toe up; heel flap sock instructions on. But I've already started the leg so I don't want to rip back. I decided to do a cable pattern, I don't think I've done that on socks. Get to the round to do the crossings (3 to front, k3, k held 3; didn't want to try it without a cable needle), and had no cable needle on the couch with me. Being the lazy sort, I grabbed a dpn from a set in my project bag that wasn't being used. I knit a couple rounds and then realized I couldn't tell which was the dpn I had been using as a cable needle! My needle gauge does not have every metric size--missing the ones that don't correspond to the US sizes, so for those little sock dpn, it's hard to tell if it's 2.75mm or 3mm? Oh well. I still haven't gotten out to get some new blonde hair dye!
As for yesterday's, ongoing issues...more on that later, I've used up my allotted 30 minutes, LOL. Time for other things ;)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Sure, he has a long day at work. Then he came out and his battery was dead. Says he had to search for someone to help--they have on-site security staff! Then he had to stop for gas and get a boost again. Yes, that can make anyone grumpy. Sure, he was probably ticked that there was no dinner (I had made hot dogs, LOL, but Megan took the last one, ripped it up, and stuffed it in my water bottle). After he goes out and gets a new battery he comes in and STORMS around cleaning up and vacuuming (how dare I lay on the couch and try to watch TV while he vacuums!).
For the good news, I had no bleeding last night! But I did have some after my shower this morning. Now that all the tape is off, I can clearly see the spot where the join of my areola and skin has not healed at all. The rest of the incisions have healed over, with a few scabby spots remaining. But today, I'm having quite a bit of discomfort when walking. Just from the parking lot to the school.
As to the comments yesterday.....thanks for the cyber-slap. Our marriage is (obviously, LOL) not great. We have a big black cloud that has hung over us for 7 years and someone (coughRobcough) is not willing to walk in the sunshine too often. I have built up a little wall, I can't show vulnerability or weakness, or he uses it against me/our marriage. The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour, and he has never been supportive (emotionally or physically) of me when I am in a crisis. He thinks taking time off after a baby was born, as being supportive....but his actions were pretty much just like now. Yes, I will give him credit for stepping up and taking on more while he was home--especially with Megan--but I need more from him now.
I realized last night that part of the issue is he has no local friends. When we moved up here we thought it was short term (3-5 years), but still I encouraged him to get involved in SOMETHING. He tried mountain biking and lunchtime skating with a group from work, but most of them are childless, and he doesn't like mixing work and friends. He's joined a motorcycle group--Dual-sport, Sharon, he's not a vibrating couch on wheels kind of guy ;) but that means day long rides on the weekend. I wish there were personal ads for friends: Married, white male, almost 40, loves mud and his dog and his truck, seeks trail-riding (truck/dirtbike/MB) buddy for SHORT get-togethers to complain about work. LOL.
HOWEVER....he is an adult. Although he is usually unsupportive (cause, you know, HE earns the money so his job comes before everything else cause they will of course, fire you if you leave after 9 hours instead of 10), being unsupportive at a time when my physical health is on the line is perhaps...abusive. I hadn't thought of it quite like that, Z. Even though much (but not all) of his muttering is to himself, the very fact that I can hear it makes it unacceptable (and I've told him he can think what he wants, but saying is unacceptable), and I suppose....verbally and emotionally abusive. I wonder what would happen if I start throwing the A word around. Well, I know my past sins will be thrown right back at me; tit for tat; who's got it worse, an eye for a...boob. It's a lousy cycle, neither of us want to be the one to break it by stepping out (and we both have reasons to do so), nor are we emotionally available enough now to re-shape the circle.
As far as hiring help...I tried that when I was almost due with Megan. I knew we'd be hosting Christmas, and although he'd do a pyscho cleaning frenzy, I would be bombarded with criticism. I suggested we hire someone for a one-off deep cleaning. He was totally offended and said no way would he pay for it. Back then I really didn't have much of my own money, but now, thanks to the Child Care tax credit, I do have some (and that is a whole 'nother bigtime issue--whether the money is 'mine' or should be 'for the kids'). I was all set this morning to make some phone calls...but who am I kidding? I'm phone phobic.
I am going to use the suggestion about the internal healing and possible future surgery (Kay, how'd you get here? I've known two or three Kay's but I don't think you're one of them). He doesn't want to take anymore vacation time off, so hopefully that will get his attention. I was really hoping that this time he would see the reality of my daily life (shouldn't have shipped the kids away; should've stayed in bed more), and the obvious physical evidence that I am in need of support. While I was pregnant, it was just heresay "The OB says to take it easier" but I had my limits on how long the kitchen can go unvacuumed, and I went WAY beyond that limit by waiting a month. He can't see my arthritis pain, but he can see my incisions and the bruising and the swelling. He needs more than just a cyber smack.
So...my plan? Sigh. I want to get the kids signed up for some summer camp and swimming lessons, and they have soccer every Wed. night. But there is a big, three bedroom house sitting empty next to my parent's house....it's in rough shape, but the peace and quiet might make up for that. For now, I'm going to sit tight on the couch, limit my cleaning...okay, basically no cleaning beyond what's necessary to get through the day, limit my cooking, no laundry without his help, and just try to get through each day with my dignity intact. I'm so glad I got that MP3 player working!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
My SIL (Rob's sister) lived in Indianapolis and four years ago we went to visit (WOW! Have you had a LOT happen in four years!), and she took us to a little chocolate shop. That retail outlet closed, but the chocolates are still available at a few locations and, more importantly, on the Internet. Check out www.debrand.com to find out more. The truffles are the hugest chocolates I have ever seen! The little classic filled chocolates are delicious and not artificial tasting like commercial boxed type chocolates. I really enjoyed the triangles that are like Skor bars with nuts in the chocolate. I'd like to try the 'Turtles' and a WHOLE lot more that was in the catalogue with my delicious recovery treat. I'm even keeping the box it was all shipped in as it's like a mini cooler. I wish I had taken a picture of the bounty, but I had just got Huey in the bath when I was opening it, and it never occur ed to me to go get the camera; it only occur ed to me to EAT! LOL.
I saw the PS again yesterday. He's a cute little guy; Irish; I called him a little Leprechaun, LOL (not to HIM, apparently Megan's social worker knows him really well, they're daughters are really good friends). He's short, slim, balding with very short grey hair, and a little bouncy. His 'exam' was so quick, I almost felt like he felt he shouldn't be looking, LOL. I thought he had said previously that the stitches would be taken out yesterday, but actually, all the nurse did was trim the little ends of the knots that were poking out. He wasn't disturbed by the amount of bleeding on the one side, although I'd like it to end. I'm still slightly bruised (I'm looking rather jaundiced), and there are some scabs in annoying places that are painful. It feels like a terrible sunburn. Even naked, it feels like something is chafing, rubbing, irritating. Driving hurts. I'm trying to not lift, push, or pull heavy things. That's hard!
And Rob is not being terribly supportive---he's not automatically taking over the things I shouldn't do. He was like this when I was pregnant with Megan and in so much pain. The OB kept telling me to not do so much, but if I didn't do it, no one else did. I didn't vacuum the house for the whole month of July and it was getting disgusting (hello? Two kids, a cat, and a long-haired, double--coated Golden Retriever; our main entrance was from the back yard through the kitchen....). He never stepped up.
Now, I know sometimes I complain--he just throws assorted clothes in the machine, not checking water temperature or the water level settings; he is totally clueless with loading the dishwasher--but you'd think he'd know these things by now. I didn't empty the dishwasher for a day and everything piled up. He starts doing it, but the entire time, bitches and complains! I'm like, Dude! I just had surgery! If you don't like how bad it's gotten in here then perhaps you should get home before the kids go to bed and help out a little! Instead of sitting down on the Internet after complaining about the lack of high cuisine dinner....I'm trying to stay firm and not do stuff, but yeah, piled up plates bother me. I had Lucy help me unload the dishwasher, she passed me plates while I stood on the chair so I wouldn't have to reach up. She's FOUR! I've done laundry, but I carry it downstairs by the armload until the load is big enough. I didn't fold any for 10 days, including stuff that was done just before the surgery. After folding for awhile I went and laid down.
I found out on Thursday night that Huey had a party to go to on Saturday. Friday was a PD day. Rob thought I should just whip out on Friday with all three kids and go shopping for a present! I've cooked every dinner since the Thursday after the surgery. Sure, I didn't feel like spending four days laying in bed; I wasn't feeling like I needed that, but I'm not exactly up to speed yet. The headaches do seem to be gone now :) I'm not quite as exhausted/tired as I was last week, but still, there are things that I shouldn't be doing because of the physical nature of them.
But what am I supposed to do? Does anyone have any suggestions? Obviously, past (lack of) performance has shown that just not doing something won't result in someone else doing it. And if he does do it, it's with such a negative, critical, angry, inferior-inducing monologue that I'd rather he just go out to the garage and leave the mess. I can't believe he has the nerve to complain about the state of the kitchen, given MY state! Help?
Friday, June 08, 2007
On Wednesday around 2:30 my parents arrived, bringing Huey and Lucy home. I went out to greet them, and saw three figures ride up on bikes, and stop at the road. I thought "Who could that be; it's too early for school to be out; I don't know anyone who rides bikes...Maybe if I look away they'll keep moving..." LOL. It was Z and her two kids bringing me the flowers! I don't get fresh flowers much; our old cat used to eat plants. So it's nice to have that splash of colour again.
I thought I'd get artistic, LOL, Lucy told me it looked stupid.
And this! Oh La La! I have a ball of STR! I can actually use those letters in conversation about MY OWN yarn! Thanks SO MUCH to Cindy, another member of our group (who does not come out often enough!). I actually met Cindy first when I was pregnant with Lucy; we had the same OB. But for sure, when Lucy was about 6 months old I went to Shopper's Drug Mart without her (yeah, that IS an event!) and met this woman and baby in the baby aisle. Her baby was named Violet and her birthday is within a few of Lucy's. Thought not much more of the encounter. Then, shortly before Lucy turned two, Tobi started having the Knit Night at her store as the "Orangeville Knitting and Crocheting Group" disbanded. There was a woman talking about her almost two year old....named Violet. I kept thinking "Where would I have heard that unusual name before?" but it took me a bit to figure it out.
So, anyway, Z couldn't host last night, and I offered to, as that meant I wouldn't have to go out. I keep getting headaches, and I get so tired by the evening. But I also haven't been out to the group in awhile (forever, it seems). I didn't know Cindy has been reading my blog
And also, welcome to Sandra who ventured out to meet us! How neat that both you and Cindy have Standard Poodles! I am sure I have met you somewhere before. Did you by chance go the Georgetown group recently? Do you work somewhere here in town? You certainly have your hands full, so I think you should definitely add a weekly two hour breather to your to-do list!
So, I'm off to lay down for a bit before Megan wakes up. It's a PD day, and although having all the kids home ALL day is a little tiring in it's own way, not having to wrangle Megan into/out of the truck several times is a nice break. I was pretty worn out last night (I was almost hoping that no one showed up, but at the same time, knew that I needed the distraction to get my spirits up).
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
The PS warned me I might have some 'leakage of old blood' and he seemed to focus that discussion on my right breast as it has some purple bruising still. Well, this morning at 5:20 I woke up and noticed that my pj top was soaked with blood....on the left side! Eeek! This is Rob's first day back at work, the older kids are still away, what to do? Managed to get some more sleep and the bleeding seemed to have stopped. Started again after my shower. It would pool under the tape and pour out if I leaned forward. It seemed to stop by the time I got dressed, but I noticed around 11am that my shirt was soaked, including the sleeve as I guess I had been sitting with my arm against me and didn't notice (still not much feeling there). It's bright red blood, not really 'leaking' more like flowing. I expected 'old' blood to be brownish/yellowish ooze.
So I call the PS office, and he was in, but I didn't get to speak to him, just the receptionist. She spoke with him and he says it's old blood oozing out. I go back on Monday to get the stitches removed.
There's a few ugly spots; a scab right underneath where every bra I have sits, an ugly spot near the areola where the nurse dug out a staple on Monday. I get tired easily still, and am getting a headache almost every day. It didn't' help that Megan woke up so cranky yesterday, pretty much cried all morning. Had an early, but very short nap, and cried most of the afternoon. Today she is in a better mood and napping right now, her normal time. I think I shall go have a lay down and watch some daytime TV!
Monday, June 04, 2007
I felt like I was going to a test this morning when I was going for my post-op check up. Was I a good patient, before, during, and after surgery? LOL. All I know is now, I'm an impatient patient. I want the swelling to go down! The fake look is groovy and all, LOL, but I want my clothes to fit!
I'm filling out my passport application in anticipation of a 10th wedding anniversary cruise this fall. You've got to fill out info on two people that have known you for two years. Previously I had planned to use a neighbour and a knitting acquaintance. However, we've moved, and the knitter is also in another town and doesn't come to our group anymore. I've got my local knitter's group.....Sharon--you've known me for two years (Megan is now wearing the sweaters you knit for Beth that you passed on to Lucy!), and who else? There's the developmental social worker that's known me for 4 years and is one street over now....wonder if her phone number is in the book....has the internet replaced real live friends? I was never a big 'best friends forever' kind of gal. I had lots of friends, but kept them at arm's length. Sad.
Knitting. I'm doing some. Perhaps working with cotton doing lace right now is not the best thing. But also working on socks. No pictures again. Sorry. I feel too scattered. Rob has one more day off, the kids are away at Grandma and Grandpa with the Pond, except for Megan who has disowned me and glued herself to Daddy. In fact, she has finally said something other than a shriek. Daa Daa. Yup, my rule is over, LOL.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Just thought I'd check in and let you all know how it's going. MUCH better than I had planned.